Wednesday, July 24, 2013

[Fanfic] Bu Bu Jing Xin II Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Save Only Me

Sometimes, as I lay at night, I wondered where it all went wrong. Was it when I learned of Eunuch Li’s fate, when fear began to cloud my love, when I first saw him, not as a man, but as an Emperor? Or was it the moment I bow down to him, betraying Fourteenth prince, the Emperor, and my very own conscience? Or perhaps, we were wrong from the very beginning. I had accepted Eight prince in spite of reality, but it was different with Fourth prince. Reality had forced me to accept him. Our love was tainted from the start. But it was love, nonetheless. True, unconditional love; for despite how much I resented his actions, there was never a second where I did not love him. Though sometimes the resentment stacked up so high I couldn’t see anything else, my love was always there, ever-present, to this moment still. If I could go back, would I still choose him? Yes, his love was worth everything, the heartbreak, the tears, the sorrow. But would I still choose that love even if it meant Eight prince’s demise, Thirteenth prince’s imprisonment, and Fourteenth prince’s sorrow? I liked to think I was not that selfish. The truth was, I could handle heartbreak, tears, and sorrow, but the one thing that would break me was guilt. I had enough blood on my hand without adding any more to it. That was why, I would not, could not make the same mistake again.
The first thing I realized when I came onto consciousness was that I was lying down on a soft bed, in a much too brightly lit room and that there was a strange man crouching at my elbow. Perhaps feeling my gaze on him, he looked up. His eyes crinkled with a smile as they met mine, reminding me of my dad. He must be about the same age too.
“She’s awake,” he called over his back
Immediately, the faces of Yang Guang, Zhenqing, and Kai Ming came into view.
“How are you feeling?”
“Are you hurt anywhere?”
“Are you alright?”
I blinked, trying to process their questions.
“Give her some space,” the strange man chastised gently. He smiled at me again, helping me sit up, “Do you remember what happened?”
I thought back. I came to the gallery, met Kai Ming, saw Lu Wu, and then, then… my gaze flickered over to Zhenqing. Yes, I remembered. I always remembered, even when I didn’t want to.
I didn’t voice any of this out loud, however, and answered simply, “I’ve fainted.”
The man nodded, “Yes. Luckily, your friend caught you before you hit the floor, so I don’t think you sustained any physical injury.”
I wanted to ask which friend he was talking about, but then wondered why it mattered.
“I also don’t see anything else that is wrong,” the man, who I now assumed was a doctor, continued, “Though your face is a little pale. When was the last time you’ve eaten today?”
I tried to organize my thoughts, “About 9 hours ago,” I replied, a little taken back myself at the fact
Three pairs of disapproving eyes turned to me.
The doctor nodded, as if he expected it, “And do you have any existing medical condition that might have led to the fainting?”
Existing medical-? Oh, yeah.
“I have a slight case of anemia.”
The three pairs of eyes narrowed.
“Well that explains it then,” the doctor declared, “I think the first thing we need to do is to get some sugar in you,” he glanced at the three men, “Do we have any food here?”
“I’ll go find some,” Yang Guang said
I didn’t dare to look up as he leave.
The doctor smiled kindly at me, “I think you’ll be fine. You do need to stay down for another 10 minutes or so. Anemia is not a serious illness, but it can be if left untreated. You have to remember to eat your meals on time, or else, you might not be so lucky next time.”
I nodded, feeling a little like a scolded child.
He looked over at Zhenqing and Kai Ming, “There’s nothing to worry about. I should get back.  My wife is probably wondering where I am.”
“Of course,” Zhenqing said, “Thank you for your help.”
The atmosphere turned slightly awkward after the good doctor left.
“So how are you feeling?” Kai Ming asked, after a brief moment of silence
“Better,” I answered
The two stared at me disbelievingly, their eyes saying much more than their mouths.
“So,” I said, partly wanting to distract their attention, “where am I?”
“The security guard’s night shift room,” Zhenqing answered, “We were going to call the ambulance but Hai Ling remembered about this room, and the fact that Dr. Cheng was in attendance with his wife.”
Hai Ling. Lu Wu. Always calm in the midst of a crisis. I felt a sudden surge of affection for the woman.
“I got food!” Yang Guang announced as he walked back in the room
I stared at the numerous bags of chips, candy, and cookies he unceremoniously dumped on my lap.
“What did you do? Raid a vending machine?”
“Yes,” he replied, “I saw Dr. Cheng on the way back. He said that this is good enough until we can get some real food in you.”
I frowned, “This is all really unneccess-”
My head snapped up. The order had come from three different people, all of whom were now staring at me with, disturbingly, almost the same expression. They really could have been brothers.
Figuring I needed to pick my battles, I complied. The crunching of chips was the only sound in the otherwise silent room.
After I finished, I dusted off the crumbs off me, silently apologizing to the guard who would have to sleep here later.
“That’s it?” Yang Guang asked
I glanced at him, “When the doctor said I needed some sugar, I doubt he meant enough to give me diabetes.”
Looking at their unyielding faces, I sighed, “I’m truly feeling better. Besides, I really want to go home now.”
There was a pause, then Kai Ming said, “I’ll take you.”
From the corner of my eyes, I saw Yang Guang opened his mouth but, with a quick glance from his cousin, closed it again.
“You’re not well enough to go by yourself,” Kai Ming continued while I tried to think of a way to refuse, “Unless, of course, you want me to call your dad to pick you up.”
My eyes flew to his at that last part. He stared back at me unapologetically. There was no doubt he would follow through on that threat.
“Fine,” I muttered
I moved to get down from the bed. Three pairs of hands shot out to help me. I ignored them all.
“Thanks for inviting me to your exhibit,” I said, turning to Yang Guang, “Sorry I…”
 Fainted in the middle of it. Ran out on you earlier.
Yang Guang’s lips quirked, “It’s alright.”
I gave Zhenqing a polite smile as I left, one which he did not return. It did seem rude, but then again, I was exactly the epitome of politeness myself.
The ride in the car was a silent one. Which was what I would have wanted, if not for the coldness emitting from Kai Ming that was never there before. I fidgeted for a while, then stopped, because there was nothing I could do or say. I wished tonight did not have to end like it did, especially if this was the last time I was going to see them.
Lost in my own thoughts, it took me a minute to realize the car had pulled to a stop.
I glanced at the building in front of me, “What are we doing here?”
“Having dinner,” Kai Ming answered
He got out of the car without another word. I stayed still for a second. I had never taken well to orders, not even when my life depended on it. But his behavior was due to his concern for me, and tonight might be our last time together. I got out of the car, none too elegantly, and followed him into the restaurant. All was quiet between us saved for the time the waitress came to take our orders. I wallowed in the silence for a moment longer, before deciding it was enough.
“I’m sorry,” I said
He closed his eyes briefly, his brows furrowed, “For what?”
For everything.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to.
Kai Ming opened his eyes, “What exactly happened back there?” he demanded, “You were fine earlier, but when you came back out, you were shaking and could barely stand. What…”
I looked up when he trailed off. His eyes flashed to me, and I almost recoiled from the fury in them.
“Did he hurt you?”
The question was a low hiss, dark and ominous. My eyes widened as I realized what he meant.
“What? No!” Remembering that we were in a public place, I lowered my voice, “No. Yang Guang isn’t that kind of person.”
The tension seemed to ebb from him a bit, “Then what happened?”
I looked away, “Can we not talk about it?”
“I trusted you with my story, why can’t you trust me with yours?” he asked softly
I could hear the hurt in his voice and it was like a stab to my heart. Would there ever be a day when I didn’t hurt the ones I loved?
“It’s not about trust,” I said carefully. Not in this lifetime, anyway. “It’s just…complicated. And I don’t have the energy for it right now.”
There was a brief silence again, followed by a quiet sigh, “Fine.”
It wasn’t acceptance, or forgiveness, but I took it all the same.
That night, after saying goodnight to Kai Ming, and making him promise not to tell my dad what happened, I went back to my apartment. For some reason, I stood still in the doorway for a while, staring at my empty home. Everything I learned tonight came crashing down and I could feel the darkness ebbing back inside me, the jagged edges of loneliness I thought I smoothed out scratching alongside my soul. So I stood, and stared, and seeing nothing.
Just me, alone.
As it should be.
It had been nearly a week since that incident at the gallery. Other than a couple of texts and one missed phone call from Yang Guang (I responded to a few of the first and readily ignored the latter), I had not have any contact with any of them. I even stopped going to the hospital. It was for the best. Who was I to help anyone, when I was so broken myself? Fate was determined to bring us together, but I was determined to stay away. It was different when I was Maertai Ruoxi. With my sister as Eight prince’s Ce’fujin, I had no choice but to be a part of their lives. Then, step by step, I became more and more entangled, with no way of getting out. But it was different now. I was no longer connected to them in anyway. There was still time for me to get out, to stop the tragedy from happening, to save them from me.
Luckily, work had picked up and, despite having Xiao Man back, had kept me busy, with little time to think. My colleagues noticed my subdued mood, but I was able to blame it on our increase workload. I also used the same excuse to not go home for dinner. My mom would not be as easily fooled as my friends, and I couldn’t let her worry again.
The workday was coming to an end and I rejected the offer of happy hours from Tong Lei. Knowing the demons that were waiting for me back in the silence of my empty house, I elected to stay for OT. Manager Hu left with an approving smile and a warning not to work too hard. Not wanting the time or space for my thoughts to run amok, I quickly focused back on the documents in front of me. A few minutes later, however, I heard the sound of footsteps coming closer. I looked up, thinking it was one of my colleagues who forgotten something. But the face which greeted me was that of Yang Guang.
My eyes widened, “What are you doing here?”
He smiled as he casually walked over and sat down in the chair beside me, “Why have you been avoiding me?”
I flushed, looking away, “I wasn’t. I’ve been busy.”
“That’s an excuse, not a reason.”
I didn’t answer, not wanting to lie, but not able to say the truth either.
“What happened that day at the gallery?”
I sighed, finally meeting his eyes, “Can this be one of those things we don’t talk about?”
He cocked his head, “What things don’t we talk about?”
“The reason why you’re denying your feelings for your manager, for example.”
His brows lifted, “Is this what our friendship is? A trade? You’ll tell me yours if I’ll tell you mine?”
I closed my eyes in frustration, “No. But it is understanding and respecting the fact that we each have secrets we like to keep.”
He stared at me silently for a minute, “Fine. But don’t I at least get to know why I’m getting the silent treatment, or when it will stop?”
“I’m talking to you,” I said, not caring how petulant I sounded
“No,” he replied, “You’re not.”
Once again, I didn’t answer. Finally, Yang Guang sighed.
“You know, when I first met you, in Ge’s office, I thought you were meek and shy, with the way you blushed and tried to run away. But then later that night, you wouldn’t let me rattle you, returning my teasing with your own, and I thought I was wrong. There’s a fire within you,” He stared at me, “So, why are you running away now?”
“You’re better off without me,” I said quietly
He watched me carefully, “That’s kind of arrogant of you, don’t you think?”
I glanced at him, “What?”
He leaned back on his seat, “Deciding you know what’s best for me on your own. Making the decision for me without asking my opinion.  Aren’t you being too assuming?”
He would see it that way. I wondered if he knew what associating with me could lead to, what I was capable of, would he still be so persistent?  As soon as the question formed in my mind, I knew the answer. Yes, he would.  Thirteenth prince would go through hell for his friends, and, in a way, he did.
“I’m having a party this weekend,” he said, when the silence got too long, “to celebrate the exhibit’s success. Will you come?”
“Why would you want me to?”
He knew the question I was really asking.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, “Maybe because we’re so similar,” his smile was mirthless, “You’re as lost as I am.”
 After that conversation with Yang Guang, I was too wired to concentrate on numbers. I had planned to go home, but, for some reasons, I ended up at the hospital.  I admitted I was worried. Without seeing Li Chen or my brother for a week, I had no idea how the former was doing, if he was eating right, or attending his physical therapy. Before the exhibit, we were getting along better. He no longer greeted me with a sarcastic remark, and was even willing to answer my questions. I thought I was making progress. But…was I? What if I was only making things worse?
I shook my head, disgusted with my own indecisiveness. Hadn’t I hurt enough people with it already? Making up my mind, I gave a light knock before turning the knob.
Li Chen turned instinctively when I walked in. It might have been my imagination, but I thought I saw his face lit up for a second before shutting down.
“Where were you?” he asked, his voice gruff, eyes narrowed
“I was busy.”
“Too busy for your idol? You’re the worst fan ever.”
I smiled indulgently, “I didn’t have time to cook you anything, but I bought you congee from a restaurant nearby.”
Li Chen glared at me, “If it’s not good, I’m expelling you from my fan club.”
I made no reply as I carefully pour out the congee. He took a tentative sip then made a grunting noise which I took to mean that it was acceptable. He ate in silent for a few minutes before glancing my way.
“What’s your name anyway?”
I blinked, “What?”
“Your name,” he demanded impatiently, “That way if I get food poisoning or something I know what to tell the police.”
I laughed softly, “Zha-,” I stopped. It was better if he didn’t know my last name lest he made the connection. “My friends called my Xiao Xiao.”
He nodded curtly before going back to his meal. Though it wasn’t technically a lie, my stomach still burned with guilt. It seemed no matter where I was, seeds of deceit were scattered around me. It was another reason to remove myself from this endless cycle.
“I started physical therapy.”
I was so lost in my thoughts that it took me a couple seconds to process Li Chen’s words.
“You did?” I asked dumbly
He shrugged, all nonchalant, “Yeah. I figured I give it a try. It seemed like I’m destined to succeed at everything I do. They said that if I continued at this process, I might make it to the November competition.”
Despite the casualness of his words, I heard the anticipation in them.
“That’s awesome!” I gushed

He shrugged again, but his lips curled up slightly into a small but pleased smile. With that, a tiny bubble of hope swelled within me. Perhaps there was a chance for redemption after all.
A/N: I don't know if anyone is still reading this, but I had this chapter done since forever and just had to post it. The reason I basically disappeared was because of the West Explosion that happened a couple of months back, which was near where I lived. It took a while to come back from that and of course, real life took precedent. I haven't yet decided what the future of this blog is going to be but I will let you know. 


  1. Hi there~! I was under the impression you were very busy with real life, which was why your blog was quite for some time. I didn't realize it was something so drastic...

    I'm one of your readers who is following your awesome fanfiction that is a sequel to BBJX.

    I really do hope you'll continue with this and am waiting patiently for your next post <3

  2. i just want you to know that I'm also following your blog and hope that you keep writing and posting about this fanfiction :)) you are really good :) love your writing style :D and I'm a picky reader ;P

    hope things have to some degree settled down for you by now :)

    keep up your amazing work hehe will wait patiently for your next post :))

  3. Hi ! Im so happy to finally see an update, I am still following your blog ^^ I hope that you're fine and I now understand what happened for you to disapear, so sad. Im off to read this new chapter and I'll probably reread your fantic entirely. I hope that you'll continue this blog, your fanfiction and hua xu yin translation ( yeah Im asking for a lot I know ^^"), well I just hope. I will wait patiently for your next update.
    Take care ^^

    By Little Red

  4. hi...i am your loyal reader...
    i hope u will continue this beautiful story... i think your story has good plot and much more interesting than the actual BBJQ drama...
    keep up the good work!!

  5. this story is absolutely amazing.

  6. People are definitely still reading! Please continue with the story if you can, I'm still checking every day :)

  7. Me too...please continue with your lovely stories.

    I'm sorry...but what west explosion?

  8. Please contine this story, I think its the best bu bu jing xin fanction out there! And believe me, I tried to look for one to quench my thirst while you're away. =)

    Can't wait for your next chapter. Till then, take care!

  9. please continue! this is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Wonderful continuation....please do continue... I love how you give insights into the past and build on it....your opening on her love and guilt relationship.. Please do continue k.

  11. Hope everything is fine... please do continue with the blog....

  12. Thank you for this chapter! Hope that you'll continue this fanfic ^^ I so want to know what will happen next. Pretty please?

  13. I remember hearing about this explosion over the radio on my drive in to work. Hopefully you and your loved ones are safe.

    Even if you don't continue with this fan fiction, I feel like what you've wrote so far has given me closure to the epic BBJX. You're a talented storyteller and I totally believed in your version of Rouxi's state of mind following BBJX.

    Whether you continue or not, I'm very thankful to have found your blog. All the best to you!

  14. I am absolutely in love with this fic!! You're a crazy good writer. I love how the past relationships transended over to the present ones and you wrote the characters really well. From 4th's possesiveness/jealousy to Ruoxi's tendency to blame everything on herself, everyone is so in-character.

    Can't wait for the next chapter!

  15. Best of luck to you! A patient reader from Sweden/china! Thank uuu

  16. I'm reading!! Pls continue!!!!!!!

  17. Yiiipppiiieeee!!!!! Finally!!! Chapter X!!!!
    thank you.. ^_^

  18. Hello.
    I just stumbled upon your story yesterday, devoured it, was inspired and am currently rewatching the series (just finished the eight episode....)
    Anyway, I'm really enjoying your take. I find it very fitting, plausible and well-thought through, not to mention well-written!!!! ;D

    I especially like how Rouxi drove them all in because she was different on the account that they felt there was something 'new' about her.
    Presently she's also fascinating to them, also because they sense something outstanding but now it's the quality of 'old' that mesmerises them.

    I'm truly hoping you'll continue. For a long, long time. :3
    Thank you for sharing.

  19. Hi there,

    Your talented writing and characterization far surpasses BBJQ that they are putting out! Do continue writing this story arc! This makes the best BBJX continuation from the original! =)

    Thank you for sharing this with all of us out here, even amid your busy real life. Stay safe!

  20. Please continue... I'm still reading!! Missed your updates a lot! Another great chapter!!! :)

  21. yey! Finally... Chapter 10 is here...
    It's not as "climax" as I wanted them to be but it's still AWESOME!
    Keep writing and I am sorry about what happened earlier..
    Thank you

  22. Please please please continue!!! I absolutely LOVE your story!! It makes me feel like I am with Zhang Xiao, and I'm experiencing what she's going through. You truly are an amazing writing. Don't give up. I've re-read this over 10 times. I am literally addicted to this fanfic. Keep it up and I'm really sorry about the explosion. THANK YOU!!!!! :) <3

  23. I still love this story! Soooo happy to see that Chapter 10 has finally arrived :)
    I understand how real life gets can get in the way, but I hope you'll be able to continue it! Can't wait to read more!!!

  24. please continue your story.... very good...

  25. Heyy please continue

  26. I'm still reading, so pretty pretty preeeeetttty pleeeeeease, continue your story? I will love you forever if you do!

  27. Hi!!!! Please continue your story, been coming back to your site every month hoping for an update!!! It's really well written, i am hooked onto your story!!!! :)))

  28. Keep up with your good work. I believe there is more readers other than those who have comments at here are waiting for the updating..

  29. "Your talented writing and characterization far surpasses BBJQ that they are putting out! Do continue writing this story arc! This makes the best BBJX continuation from the original! =)"

    I also believe in one of your readers comment. it really is the best continuation. Just like how I imagine it'll will go on after she awakes up in modern times.

    I will bookmark this blog and continue to check on updates! Jia You!

  30. after all these months i am still waiting for ur next chapter.. please.. dont stop now...we love it very much...

  31. Your stories are THE BESTTTTTTTT... I wish BBJQ was this good :( Love your stories :D Please continue. Maybe you can add Ruolan or Tenth Prince???

  32. this story is WAY BETTER than BBJQ ... too bad it's almost a year since ur last post..and i keep checking regularly just to see if u have made any update.... and it seems u dont have any plan to continue it... too bad for all of ur fans.. :/

  33. Hi, just finish reading your story. At first I didnt expect much, but, wow you completly exceed my expectation. It is really amazing. I love it. You really put a lot of thought into it. And its much much more I can say than scarlet heart 2. If only they made your version into drama series, not that sad excuse of scarlet heart 2. I would love more if you can update soon though, hehehe.

  34. Hi. I was happened to see your page and without realising, I have completed reading all 10 chapters within half a day. In Scarlet Heart 1, Ruoxi didnt accept Eight Prince's love because he choosed power instead Ruoxi. But since this modern version, Kai Ming not obsess with power thou he can if he wants it, why not we give a chance for Xiao Xiao to accept Kai Ming love? I kept asking myself, what will happen if Ruoxi never leave Eight Prince's? Actually I'm truly fallen in love with Eight Prince's charm and calm personality.

    Thanks for listening.

  35. Please updated. I'm your fans for New BBJX. Awesome story!!!!
    Hopefully you'll be back soon and post it till ended of the chapters :) :) :) :)
    BTW, you're really TALENTED author.

  36. i hope to see a new update from you.. :)

  37. Your way of writing is so inspiring, I was hooked after reading the first chapter.

  38. I'm sorry for what you had to go through. Again, I hope you're well. Thanks for writing this story up to here, it's been a real pleasure reading it. I will bookmark your blog and check up on it from time to time. Hope never dies :)

  39. This is exactly what the sequel should have been :) Please continue writing this!

  40. Is the Author still here? I have been waiting for 2 years but there's no any update... :(

  41. Your fanfic feels so true to the characters and how their story would weave together. I've ONLY just finished watching BBJX for the first time, and it's addictive, and reading your story makes me so happy as it is very satisfying to see how they all continue on, you write it so incredibly well and smoothly. Even though it's all fiction, it feels real and I wish BBJQ writers had bought the rights to your story instead of the travesty they pulled together (only seen 3 or 4 eps of BBJQ, then read the Wiki on it, and felt so disappointed that I haven't continued watching it... for now.) It's unlikely you'll put up more chapters after all this time, but your 10 chapters so far have been the best I've read, and I wish you could write more to feed the BBJX addiction. Thank you.

  42. I am so happy that i found out you posted chapter 10! i am a picky reader but i love your story so much. I look forward on what will happen to the athlete as well as on the other characters. I hope your well. Greetings, from your fan.

  43. Still waiting for the next chapter. Please please do update as I've been waiting ever since 2013. I can only wish the season 2 was really like this as it stays true to the characters and story line. Will still check and hope for updates. Thank you!

  44. please please please write more. It's been too long