Bu Bu Jing Xin Deleted Scene 3: Heartfelt Conversation

Pretext: With this scene we jumped back to earlier in the novel, where Ruoxi and Thirteenth drank and talk together before his imprisonment. The scene was shown in the drama but they cut out what I felt were some of the most important parts of the conversation. This here represents two of my favorite relationships in the drama: the friendship between Ruoxi and Thirteenth, and the brotherly bond between Fourth and Thirteenth. It amazes me how frank Ruoxi and Thirteenth are with each other, even to the point of discussing why they don’t like each other romantically. It also touches me how protective Thirteenth is of his brother. Ruoxi may be his best friend but Fourth prince is still the most important person in his heart.

 Scene 3: Heartfelt Conversation

I leaned my head against my hand and looked at him, “Thirteenth prince, in this Forbidden City, who else has the same mindset as the two of us? If we could live together, that would be great. But, it’s really strange, why don’t you like me?”

Thirteenth prince was taking a drink when he heard my question, causing him to choke. He swirled around to look at me for a minute before grinning.

“I’m also very sad. Such a handsome and talented youth is right here in front of you, but, why don’t you like me?”

I huffed, “Even me who is stuck in this Palace has heard of your philandering ways. How many girls have fallen for you, yet you’re still not satisfied? Tell me, when you walk out on the street, do you dare to glance back?”

He looked confused, “Why wouldn't I dare?”

I smiled, “ Aren't you afraid to see the trail of broken hearts you leave behind?”

Thirteenth burst out laughing, shaking his head, “Just the same. Just the same.”

We both looked at each other and laughed.

I said playfully, “I asked first, so you have to answer first.”

He looked down, silently thinking for a minute, then said, “The first time I saw you, my deepest impression of you was when you were fighting with Mingyu. Your expression was so frightening that even I was scared, so how could I like you? Though my mother passed away early, I could never forget her gentle demeanor. She was always besides me, singing to me, her voice soft and sweet. When she smiled, her eyes were clear like water. But you…” he glanced at me, grinning, “are too crude!”

I nodded, “So it’s the Oedipus complex.”

“What is Oedipus?” he asked, confused

I laughed, “It’s when a person long for a mother’s love, but not able to find that kind of love in his wife.” It was also why he doesn’t like MinMin. Though MinMin was good, but she wasn’t who he needed.

He looked surprise for a minute, then laughed, “Perhaps it is like that. Your turn?”

I also lowered my head in thoughts before lifting it to look at him, “I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell anyone,” I stopped for a minute, then added, “Not anyone, including Fourth prince.”

He nodded and laughed, “Looks like in your heart, I’m someone who don’t know how to keep a secret.”

I gathered my thoughts as I spoke, “In romantic relationship, I’ve always been the passive one. Later, due to a few events, I’ve became even more passive. After entering the Palace, I immediately shut tight the door to my heart, afraid that if I wasn’t careful, I would, because of a moment of passion, experience a lifetime of regret. Men in the Palace have too many wives, whereas, in my heart, I rebelled against the idea of sharing my husband with other women…”

Thirteenth seemed shocked at that. I glanced at him before grudgingly continued, “You don’t necessary have to know, but this is my deepest, innermost belief. But this isn’t the most important thing. Even if I’m unwilling, I have to learn to adapt and compromise to the situation. Like you, who don’t want to get into this fight for the throne, but have nevertheless become involved. Though I don’t want to, but I have to accept this reality that can’t be changed.”

I laughed bitterly and shook my head at him, “The most important thing is that while I longed for someone who can be with me sincerely without any lies, I refused to believe that this Palace contained such a man. If I can’t believe it, then my heart has no way of opening and accepting him. Perhaps I’m too cowardly, afraid of getting hurt. I can’t be like MinMin, not caring what price she have to pay, only wanting to try her best. In the end, I’m only passively waiting for the other person to fight for me, waiting for him to make me believe, only then, can I open my heart and slowly fall in love with him.”

Seeing Thirteenth prince’s serious expression, I laughed and said gently, “Now you understand why I don’t like you? It’s because you don’t like me first.”

He frowned, “Looks like I have to tell Fourth brother to keep trying harder. Your heart is not so easily moved. Not to mentioned, he is at a disadvantage from the start, already having a wife. But luckily, so does everyone else.”

I felt a bit awkward and said, “You don’t need to care about our business.”

 [This is where Thirteenth  and Ruoxi talked about her past relationship with Eight prince. This part of the conversation is almost verbatim with the one in the drama, so I’m just going to skip it.]

He tapped my arm and laughed warmly before taking another drink.

“Before,” he said, “I have always hoped that you and Fourth brother could become a couple. After all, one is the most important person in my heart, the other is the soul mate that I truly valued.  But, after seeing that you’re unwilling, though I couldn’t understand the contradictions between your words and actions, but I didn’t want to force you. Though Fourth brother’s interest in you grows every day, it wasn’t like he couldn’t live without you. When you returned the hairpin and necklace to him, Fourth brother just self-mockingly laughed. To my teasing, he merely replied, “She could even say the words, “never to marry, only wanting to befriend Buddha.” Next time, she might even say that she would rather die. Forget it. I won’t force her anymore!” After saying that, he put all the gifts away, and seemingly not cared. But, after returning from the grassland, Fourth brother had changed, and took those gifts out again.”

I couldn’t help but asked, “Was it because of the jade pendant?*”

[*]The jade pendant Ruoxi was referring to was the one that MinMin’s Father had gift to her, implying that he saw her as a daughter

Thirteenth glared at me, “Do you think that everyone is like Crown Prince?!”

I bit my lip. He laughed.

“You’re really naïve! At that time, of course everyone was admiring MinMin’s beauty. But, for those who understood, the one they admired and respected was you. Each word to the song was written by you. Each step to the dance was choreographed by you. That dreamlike scene was singlehandedly planned and orchestra by you. Even I, now, couldn’t help but think of how moving the scene would be if you were the dancer. But the most admiring thing was your sincerity towards MinMin. Is there another woman in the Forbidden City who could be like you? They all are always trying to claim and show off their own beauty, smearing others to gain affection for themselves; even their kindness to each other is designed for their own benefits. But you truly wanted to help MinMin, to let the world see her beauty. You put all that hard work and heart, only to give the spotlight to another woman. Truthfully, I have never seen something like that, Fourth brother most likely hasn’t either.” He took another drink, “Not to mention all that you did for Fourteenth brother. You definitely stayed true to the word, “friendship”.”

I laughed, shaking my head. Thirteenth continued,

“Fourth brother was always sure in everything he does, never allowing for any confusion. So when he kept holding on to the hairpin and necklace, hesitating, not knowing whether he should give it back to you or not, I was really surprised. That was when I knew, he wasn’t just temporarily moved. So when I saw you walked toward us, wearing that hairpin, I could finally let out a breath of relief. When Tenth brother kicked you, in that second, all I saw in Fourth brother’s eyes was pain. It’s just that you don’t know how to treasure yourself.  So as soon as he left the Palace, the first thing Fourth brother did was go find medicine for you.”

I was lost in thoughts. Was that how it was? At that time, I didn’t pay attention. So when I got kicked, he was hurt for me.

Thirteenth prince mimicked Fourth prince’s serious expression, “In his estate, Fourth brother always make sure that all the rules are properly kept. No one ever dared to cross him. Forget about the punishments, just Fourth brother’s cold expression is enough to scare people.”

I shoved him, laughing, “Enough! You don’t have Fourth prince’s force. Mimicking a tiger but only looking like a kitten.”

He laughed, “Last time when you prank him, I was really worried for you. But when I asked Fourth brother how did he punished you, he just calmly said, “It’s not a big deal, just let her be. It’s rare to see her so happy.””

I stared intently at the leaves on the ground, a warm feeling floating inside me. I grabbed Thirteenth prince’s wine bottle and boldly drank it all. Thirteenth, too, took several big gulps.

With both his hands on the table, Thirteenth prince lowered himself to my eyelevel, his expression serious, “Ruoxi, I don’t care if it’s because you’re scared of Imperial Father’s marriage decree, or because you have Fourth brother in your heart. Now that you have promised Fourth brother, you definitely have to treat him well. If you hurt him because of Eight brother, I will not forgive you. Hesitation will only hurt others and oneself. I looked down on those kinds of women.”

I immediately replied, “If I have already chosen, then, from now on, I will definitely not have any romantic relationship with Eight prince. I, too, hate that kind ambiguity.”

Thirteenth slowly sat down, taking another drink, “Ruoxi, Fourth brother is a person who hides his feelings and thoughts very carefully. It’s difficult for him to share with others. Everyone only sees his coldness, but they don’t know that deep inside him is a burning flame. With words and expressions as cold as ice, even his wives and kids treat him with fear, but they don’t know that buried beneath that ice is warmth. With a personality like that, it’s easy to suffer alone.  Though I could talk with him, but I could only share a part of his worries. I can’t shoulder all of his sorrows. He is still lonely. I always longed for someone who can cheer him up when he’s down, hold his hand when he’s lonely, let him know that there’s always someone by his side. Though you aren’t as educated as us, but I know you definitely don’t lose to us. You have your own opinion, your reasons and logic clear. When talking with you, you don’t give off the air of a girl who never left her room but of someone who has traveled to all the seven seas.”

He looked at me and calmly said, “If you’re willing, you’re definitely able to be Fourth brother’s confidant, because you can understand his ambition, as well as his pain and suffering. “

[The ending part is where Thirteenth warned Ruoxi of not getting involved in the fights between them brothers, which, again, is almost verbatim with the drama dialogue.]

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I'm not sure what scene I want to next. I'm not doing this in any sort of order, so maybe I'll skip to the end, to the scene with 14th. But that scene is sort of bittersweet, so we'll see : )