Bu Bu Jing Xin Deleted Scene 4: Midnight Reminiscing

Pretext: Here we jump to almost the end of the book, where Ruoxi had already left the Palace and married Fourteenth. In this scene, Fourteenth had gotten drunk and pass out in Ruoxi’s room. The drama showed the beginning of the scene, but cut out the part where Fourteenth woke up in the middle of the night and started talking to Ruoxi. This scene is bittersweet in the sense of both context and the consequences it later brought out.

Scene 4: Midnight Reminiscing

I helped Qiaohui bring the screen over to cover the bed and laid down to rest. My head kept repeating the words, “Unable to fight, Hoarding hatred within, Using the sword to rule the word.” [*] It was going to be another sleepless night. I could only sigh, “So strange.”

[*] These are the lines of a poem by Han Yujian, which Fourteenth had sent to Fourth, in order to provoke him

Outside the window, the sky was still dark. Slowly, I heard the noise of Fourteenth moving. I hurriedly put on a cloak and went to pour him some tea. He dazedly took the cup from my hand and drank it all, then laid back down. I had just got back into bed when he started laughing.

“I’m drunk to oblivion. I thought I was dreaming, but you’re really here, pouring me tea.”

“It’s not morning yet,” I replied, “Go back to sleep.”

After a while, I heard him asked softly, “Are you asleep?”

“Not yet,” I answered

“You still sleep so little?”

I made a noise of confirmation

He said, “Before, I couldn’t understand why you couldn’t sleep at night, but now I know. When I was still in the Northwest, as soon as I hit the bed, I was gone. I had to rely on the guard to wake me up. When I do wake up, I always thought about how I hadn’t slept enough and how fast morning came. Now, not only is it hard to fall asleep, it’s harder to stay asleep. I wake up several times in the night, always feeling like I’ve been sleeping for a long time but when I open my eyes, it’s dark as ink.”

I stared up at the ceiling, not saying anything. Dreams and reality, which was lonelier?

Fourteenth asked, “Do you still remember when you first met me?

[*]I thought for a while then answered, “I think it was in a pavilion.”

Fourteenth recited, “Returning to Chang Gate, different from before, Left together but why unable to return together, The parasol half dead from the cold.”

I continued, “The white haired mandarin duck lost its mate, The grass on the valley, The drying dews, The home is old, the grave is new, my heart wonders…”

I thought, Jie’jie could be said to finally have her wish.

[*] The first meeting of Fourteenth and Ruoxi differs in the book. They met when she was sitting on a pavilion, reading this poem (Half Dead Parasol by He Zhu). The poem describes the sadness of losing a lover, which, to Ruoxi then, seemed to describe her sister’s situation.

“That day,” Fourteenth said, “I saw you, at that young age, reading such a depressing poem, your face expressing genuine sorrow, not like you’re feeling it secondhand from the book. At that time, I didn’t know the situation of your sister, so when I saw Eight brother, I immediately told him. Thinking back, when Eight brother repeated the line, “The white haired mandarin duck lost its mate,” his demeanor was truly mournful.”

Outside, the sky lightened as dawn began to show itself. We both laid there silently, not saying a word. Fourteenth suddenly laughed.

“That year, you promised to sing me a song for my birthday, but, until now, you still haven’t done so.”

I laughed, “That year, I was just a little girl, scared by Fourteenth prince’s threat. How could I not agree?”

Fourteenth laughed harder, “Don’t exaggerate! I had only started teasing, but Tenth brother was already upset. We turned away for a bit and you threw yourself in a fight with Mingyu. How could I have the ability to scare you?”

I laid on my pillow and could only laughed. Fourteenth too, laughed nonstop.

“You didn’t see your face when Thirteenth brother pulled you up. I didn’t pay attention at the time. But, later, when I thought back, I couldn’t stop laughing. Your headdress falling down, your hair a mess, water and mud clinging to your face. You were no different from a wet hen, but kept thinking yourself a tiger.”

The room kept getting brighter. Under the brilliant sunlight, two people laughed loudly.

Fourteenth playfully asked, “I heard Tenth brother said he was tricked into giving you a wish. Had he fulfilled it for you?”

I thought about it for a while before I remembered, then laughed, “I had long forgotten about it.”

Fourteenth sighed, “Then I’m afraid it won’t happen in this life. Then your promise with me, when will you fulfill it?”

I answered, “Fourteenth prince’s order, how can I not follow? Your birthday this year had already past. Then let’s wait for your birthday next year, and I will sing. But when that time comes, you can’t complain about this and that.”

From that day on, every now and then, Fourteenth would come to my room to stay. The two of us, separated by a screen, kept reminiscing, our stories endless. Thinking about the past sometimes made us happy, sometimes made us sad. Occasionally, he would tell me stories about the Northwest. I would listen intently, then would bring the Northwest from my memories to tell him. He also listened well, not missing a word. At the mention of the fruits of the Northwest, the two of us immediately started salivating. We lamented the fact that the fruits which were brought here couldn’t compared to the ones fresh picked.

I teasingly asked him, “You were at the Northwest for so long. The girls there are known for their frank and open personalities. Did anyone gift you fruits and confessed their love to you? Ask you for a date under the moonlight?”

He laughed, “How I longed for that! If it happened, I would be known as handsome and popular. But sadly, that wasn’t the case. Girls who saw me, for some reason, would start giggling and then ran away. Instead, those officers with their wild beards would always grab me to go drink. I could only watch as my subordinates flirt with the ladies. Who could I tell my grief to?”

I laughed until my chest started to hurt

-End-

I always believed that Fourteenth was in love with Ruoxi. Maybe it wasn’t as obvious as Eight, Tenth, and Fourth, but it was there. In the book, I thought Fourteenth was the most complicated character, even more so than Eight and Fourth. Perhaps, it was because, through Ruoxi, we could see Eight’s and Fourth’s motivations and desires. Fourteenth, on the other hand, was kept a mystery to us as even Ruoxi couldn’t understand him. Lin Geng Xin was adorable in his portrayal as Fourteenth prince, but he wasn’t able to bring Fourteenth’s multi-facets personality to life. There was only one scene in the drama which hints that Fourteenth wasn’t just Eight’s loyal fan, and Lin Geng Xin wasn’t even in that scene. I don’t blame him though. Fourteenth’s hypocrisy wasn’t even that apparent in the book. It wasn’t until Tong Hua wrote an essay, explaining his character and actions did I truly get it. The reason that I liked this scene, even though its consequences were heartbreaking, was that it provided Fourteenth some happy memories as a married couple with Ruoxi.

With that said, have an Fourteenth/Ruoxi MV (warning: this MV might reduced you to a blubbering mess):

The first time I saw you

Was when we were both young.

Full of hope, full of life:

Not knowing our own ending.

The first time I liked you

Was when you sang for my brother.

But you had too many admirers,

And my feelings weren't as strong as theirs.

The first time I loved you

Was when I snuck into camp.

You tugged on my beard and laughed happily,

Then later saved my life, risking your own.

But you already had the love of my brother,

So I suppressed my feelings and called you, "sister-in-law."

The first time I hated you

Was when you rejected that love.

The love that I gave way for,

The love that I lost to.

You hurt him, and you hurt me.

For if his love meant nothing to you,

What does that said about mine?

Years passed, and Fate allowed us to be married.

But Destiny forbade us to be lovers.

You had once asked me

If I knew what longing felt like.

I now do.

For although you laid here in my arms,

Your heart and soul are miles away.

Rouxi, in your next life,

Will you remember me?

                                                       credit to: cutzie