[Fanfic] Bu Bu Jing Xin II Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Save Only Me

Sometimes, as I lay at night, I wondered where it all went wrong. Was it when I learned of Eunuch Li’s fate, when fear began to cloud my love, when I first saw him, not as a man, but as an Emperor? Or was it the moment I bow down to him, betraying Fourteenth prince, the Emperor, and my very own conscience? Or perhaps, we were wrong from the very beginning. I had accepted Eight prince in spite of reality, but it was different with Fourth prince. Reality had forced me to accept him. Our love was tainted from the start. But it was love, nonetheless. True, unconditional love; for despite how much I resented his actions, there was never a second where I did not love him. Though sometimes the resentment stacked up so high I couldn’t see anything else, my love was always there, ever-present, to this moment still. If I could go back, would I still choose him? Yes, his love was worth everything, the heartbreak, the tears, the sorrow. But would I still choose that love even if it meant Eight prince’s demise, Thirteenth prince’s imprisonment, and Fourteenth prince’s sorrow? I liked to think I was not that selfish. The truth was, I could handle heartbreak, tears, and sorrow, but the one thing that would break me was guilt. I had enough blood on my hand without adding any more to it. That was why, I would not, could not make the same mistake again.

___________

The first thing I realized when I came onto consciousness was that I was lying down on a soft bed, in a much too brightly lit room and that there was a strange man crouching at my elbow. Perhaps feeling my gaze on him, he looked up. His eyes crinkled with a smile as they met mine, reminding me of my dad. He must be about the same age too.

“She’s awake,” he called over his back

Immediately, the faces of Yang Guang, Zhenqing, and Kai Ming came into view.

“How are you feeling?”

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

“Are you alright?”

I blinked, trying to process their questions.

“Give her some space,” the strange man chastised gently. He smiled at me again, helping me sit up, “Do you remember what happened?”

I thought back. I came to the gallery, met Kai Ming, saw Lu Wu, and then, then… my gaze flickered over to Zhenqing. Yes, I remembered. I always remembered, even when I didn’t want to.

I didn’t voice any of this out loud, however, and answered simply, “I’ve fainted.”

The man nodded, “Yes. Luckily, your friend caught you before you hit the floor, so I don’t think you sustained any physical injury.”

I wanted to ask which friend he was talking about, but then wondered why it mattered.

“I also don’t see anything else that is wrong,” the man, who I now assumed was a doctor, continued, “Though your face is a little pale. When was the last time you’ve eaten today?”

I tried to organize my thoughts, “About 9 hours ago,” I replied, a little taken back myself at the fact

Three pairs of disapproving eyes turned to me.

The doctor nodded, as if he expected it, “And do you have any existing medical condition that might have led to the fainting?”

Existing medical-? Oh, yeah.

“I have a slight case of anemia.”

The three pairs of eyes narrowed.

“Well that explains it then,” the doctor declared, “I think the first thing we need to do is to get some sugar in you,” he glanced at the three men, “Do we have any food here?”

“I’ll go find some,” Yang Guang said

I didn’t dare to look up as he leave.

The doctor smiled kindly at me, “I think you’ll be fine. You do need to stay down for another 10 minutes or so. Anemia is not a serious illness, but it can be if left untreated. You have to remember to eat your meals on time, or else, you might not be so lucky next time.”

I nodded, feeling a little like a scolded child.

He looked over at Zhenqing and Kai Ming, “There’s nothing to worry about. I should get back.  My wife is probably wondering where I am.”

“Of course,” Zhenqing said, “Thank you for your help.”

The atmosphere turned slightly awkward after the good doctor left.

“So how are you feeling?” Kai Ming asked, after a brief moment of silence

“Better,” I answered

The two stared at me disbelievingly, their eyes saying much more than their mouths.

“So,” I said, partly wanting to distract their attention, “where am I?”

“The security guard’s night shift room,” Zhenqing answered, “We were going to call the ambulance but Hai Ling remembered about this room, and the fact that Dr. Cheng was in attendance with his wife.”

Hai Ling. Lu Wu. Always calm in the midst of a crisis. I felt a sudden surge of affection for the woman.

“I got food!” Yang Guang announced as he walked back in the room

I stared at the numerous bags of chips, candy, and cookies he unceremoniously dumped on my lap.

“What did you do? Raid a vending machine?”

“Yes,” he replied, “I saw Dr. Cheng on the way back. He said that this is good enough until we can get some real food in you.”

I frowned, “This is all really unneccess-”

“Eat!”

My head snapped up. The order had come from three different people, all of whom were now staring at me with, disturbingly, almost the same expression. They really could have been brothers.

Figuring I needed to pick my battles, I complied. The crunching of chips was the only sound in the otherwise silent room.

After I finished, I dusted off the crumbs off me, silently apologizing to the guard who would have to sleep here later.

“That’s it?” Yang Guang asked

I glanced at him, “When the doctor said I needed some sugar, I doubt he meant enough to give me diabetes.”

Looking at their unyielding faces, I sighed, “I’m truly feeling better. Besides, I really want to go home now.”

There was a pause, then Kai Ming said, “I’ll take you.”

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Yang Guang opened his mouth but, with a quick glance from his cousin, closed it again.

“You’re not well enough to go by yourself,” Kai Ming continued while I tried to think of a way to refuse, “Unless, of course, you want me to call your dad to pick you up.”

My eyes flew to his at that last part. He stared back at me unapologetically. There was no doubt he would follow through on that threat.

“Fine,” I muttered

I moved to get down from the bed. Three pairs of hands shot out to help me. I ignored them all.

“Thanks for inviting me to your exhibit,” I said, turning to Yang Guang, “Sorry I…”

 Fainted in the middle of it. Ran out on you earlier.

Yang Guang’s lips quirked, “It’s alright.”

I gave Zhenqing a polite smile as I left, one which he did not return. It did seem rude, but then again, I was exactly the epitome of politeness myself.

___________

The ride in the car was a silent one. Which was what I would have wanted, if not for the coldness emitting from Kai Ming that was never there before. I fidgeted for a while, then stopped, because there was nothing I could do or say. I wished tonight did not have to end like it did, especially if this was the last time I was going to see them.

Lost in my own thoughts, it took me a minute to realize the car had pulled to a stop.

I glanced at the building in front of me, “What are we doing here?”

“Having dinner,” Kai Ming answered

He got out of the car without another word. I stayed still for a second. I had never taken well to orders, not even when my life depended on it. But his behavior was due to his concern for me, and tonight might be our last time together. I got out of the car, none too elegantly, and followed him into the restaurant. All was quiet between us saved for the time the waitress came to take our orders. I wallowed in the silence for a moment longer, before deciding it was enough.

“I’m sorry,” I said

He closed his eyes briefly, his brows furrowed, “For what?”

For everything.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to.

Kai Ming opened his eyes, “What exactly happened back there?” he demanded, “You were fine earlier, but when you came back out, you were shaking and could barely stand. What…”

I looked up when he trailed off. His eyes flashed to me, and I almost recoiled from the fury in them.

“Did he hurt you?”

The question was a low hiss, dark and ominous. My eyes widened as I realized what he meant.

“What? No!” Remembering that we were in a public place, I lowered my voice, “No. Yang Guang isn’t that kind of person.”

The tension seemed to ebb from him a bit, “Then what happened?”

I looked away, “Can we not talk about it?”

“I trusted you with my story, why can’t you trust me with yours?” he asked softly

I could hear the hurt in his voice and it was like a stab to my heart. Would there ever be a day when I didn’t hurt the ones I loved?

“It’s not about trust,” I said carefully. Not in this lifetime, anyway. “It’s just…complicated. And I don’t have the energy for it right now.”

There was a brief silence again, followed by a quiet sigh, “Fine.”

It wasn’t acceptance, or forgiveness, but I took it all the same.

___________

That night, after saying goodnight to Kai Ming, and making him promise not to tell my dad what happened, I went back to my apartment. For some reason, I stood still in the doorway for a while, staring at my empty home. Everything I learned tonight came crashing down and I could feel the darkness ebbing back inside me, the jagged edges of loneliness I thought I smoothed out scratching alongside my soul. So I stood, and stared, and seeing nothing.

Just me, alone.

As it should be.

___________

It had been nearly a week since that incident at the gallery. Other than a couple of texts and one missed phone call from Yang Guang (I responded to a few of the first and readily ignored the latter), I had not have any contact with any of them. I even stopped going to the hospital. It was for the best. Who was I to help anyone, when I was so broken myself? Fate was determined to bring us together, but I was determined to stay away. It was different when I was Maertai Ruoxi. With my sister as Eight prince’s Ce’fujin, I had no choice but to be a part of their lives. Then, step by step, I became more and more entangled, with no way of getting out. But it was different now. I was no longer connected to them in anyway. There was still time for me to get out, to stop the tragedy from happening, to save them from me.

Luckily, work had picked up and, despite having Xiao Man back, had kept me busy, with little time to think. My colleagues noticed my subdued mood, but I was able to blame it on our increase workload. I also used the same excuse to not go home for dinner. My mom would not be as easily fooled as my friends, and I couldn’t let her worry again.

The workday was coming to an end and I rejected the offer of happy hours from Tong Lei. Knowing the demons that were waiting for me back in the silence of my empty house, I elected to stay for OT. Manager Hu left with an approving smile and a warning not to work too hard. Not wanting the time or space for my thoughts to run amok, I quickly focused back on the documents in front of me. A few minutes later, however, I heard the sound of footsteps coming closer. I looked up, thinking it was one of my colleagues who forgotten something. But the face which greeted me was that of Yang Guang.

My eyes widened, “What are you doing here?”

He smiled as he casually walked over and sat down in the chair beside me, “Why have you been avoiding me?”

I flushed, looking away, “I wasn’t. I’ve been busy.”

“That’s an excuse, not a reason.”

I didn’t answer, not wanting to lie, but not able to say the truth either.

“What happened that day at the gallery?”

I sighed, finally meeting his eyes, “Can this be one of those things we don’t talk about?”

He cocked his head, “What things don’t we talk about?”

“The reason why you’re denying your feelings for your manager, for example.”

His brows lifted, “Is this what our friendship is? A trade? You’ll tell me yours if I’ll tell you mine?”

I closed my eyes in frustration, “No. But it is understanding and respecting the fact that we each have secrets we like to keep.”

He stared at me silently for a minute, “Fine. But don’t I at least get to know why I’m getting the silent treatment, or when it will stop?”

“I’m talking to you,” I said, not caring how petulant I sounded

“No,” he replied, “You’re not.”

Once again, I didn’t answer. Finally, Yang Guang sighed.

“You know, when I first met you, in Ge’s office, I thought you were meek and shy, with the way you blushed and tried to run away. But then later that night, you wouldn’t let me rattle you, returning my teasing with your own, and I thought I was wrong. There’s a fire within you,” He stared at me, “So, why are you running away now?”

“You’re better off without me,” I said quietly

He watched me carefully, “That’s kind of arrogant of you, don’t you think?”

I glanced at him, “What?”

He leaned back on his seat, “Deciding you know what’s best for me on your own. Making the decision for me without asking my opinion.  Aren’t you being too assuming?”

He would see it that way. I wondered if he knew what associating with me could lead to, what I was capable of, would he still be so persistent?  As soon as the question formed in my mind, I knew the answer. Yes, he would.  Thirteenth prince would go through hell for his friends, and, in a way, he did.

“I’m having a party this weekend,” he said, when the silence got too long, “to celebrate the exhibit’s success. Will you come?”

“Why would you want me to?”

He knew the question I was really asking.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, “Maybe because we’re so similar,” his smile was mirthless, “You’re as lost as I am.”

___________

 After that conversation with Yang Guang, I was too wired to concentrate on numbers. I had planned to go home, but, for some reasons, I ended up at the hospital.  I admitted I was worried. Without seeing Li Chen or my brother for a week, I had no idea how the former was doing, if he was eating right, or attending his physical therapy. Before the exhibit, we were getting along better. He no longer greeted me with a sarcastic remark, and was even willing to answer my questions. I thought I was making progress. But…was I? What if I was only making things worse?

I shook my head, disgusted with my own indecisiveness. Hadn’t I hurt enough people with it already? Making up my mind, I gave a light knock before turning the knob.

Li Chen turned instinctively when I walked in. It might have been my imagination, but I thought I saw his face lit up for a second before shutting down.

“Where were you?” he asked, his voice gruff, eyes narrowed

“I was busy.”

“Too busy for your idol? You’re the worst fan ever.”

I smiled indulgently, “I didn’t have time to cook you anything, but I bought you congee from a restaurant nearby.”

Li Chen glared at me, “If it’s not good, I’m expelling you from my fan club.”

I made no reply as I carefully pour out the congee. He took a tentative sip then made a grunting noise which I took to mean that it was acceptable. He ate in silent for a few minutes before glancing my way.

“What’s your name anyway?”

I blinked, “What?”

“Your name,” he demanded impatiently, “That way if I get food poisoning or something I know what to tell the police.”

I laughed softly, “Zha-,” I stopped. It was better if he didn’t know my last name lest he made the connection. “My friends called my Xiao Xiao.”

He nodded curtly before going back to his meal. Though it wasn’t technically a lie, my stomach still burned with guilt. It seemed no matter where I was, seeds of deceit were scattered around me. It was another reason to remove myself from this endless cycle.

“I started physical therapy.”

I was so lost in my thoughts that it took me a couple seconds to process Li Chen’s words.

“You did?” I asked dumbly

He shrugged, all nonchalant, “Yeah. I figured I give it a try. It seemed like I’m destined to succeed at everything I do. They said that if I continued at this process, I might make it to the November competition.”

Despite the casualness of his words, I heard the anticipation in them.

“That’s awesome!” I gushed

He shrugged again, but his lips curled up slightly into a small but pleased smile. With that, a tiny bubble of hope swelled within me. Perhaps there was a chance for redemption after all.

___________

A/N: I don't know if anyone is still reading this, but I had this chapter done since forever and just had to post it. The reason I basically disappeared was because of the West Explosion that happened a couple of months back, which was near where I lived. It took a while to come back from that and of course, real life took precedent. I haven't yet decided what the future of this blog is going to be but I will let you know. 

[Fanfic] Bu Bu Jing Xin II Chapter 9

Chapter 9: A Soundless Throbbing

I was at the hospital again for the third time this week. The second time I visited was no better than the first. Li Chen either answered my questions with sarcastic comments, or just ignored me completely, before asking me to leave. I wasn’t discouraged, however. Death-defying Thirteenth Sister doesn’t give up so easily.

“You’re here again?” Li Chen asked when I walked in

 “I brought you something,” I said cheerfully, holding up a bag, “It’s ox bone soup. I heard it’s supposed to be really good for muscle injuries.”

“Don’t you have a job? Or a life?”

I chose to ignore that and pulled the container out. After pouring the soup into a bowl, I handed to him. He stared at me warily.

“Do you need me to drink to check for poison?” I asked, only half teasing

He scoffed and took the bowl from me. I watched as he took a tentative sip.

Video of Bu Bu Jing Xin's Alternate Ending Released

If you're a Bu Bu Jing Xin fan (and if you're reading this blog, you're most likely are), then you should know that there were three planned endings to the drama. One followed the ending of the book, in which Ruoxi died in the Qing Dynasty, and that was it. The second was the one shown on TV, where Ruoxi came back to  modern days, with her memories intact, and met the reincarnation of Fourth prince. The third, for some reason, made modern Fourth prince the driver who hit Zhang Xiao/Ruoxi with his car in the first episode. Besides maybe one blurry photo, there was never any evidence of the third ending, despite Tangren hinting they might show it in order to help the battle against the leak episodes. Perhaps to build anticipation for Bu Bu Jing Qing, the video of that alternate ending was recently released, along with a new version of the Three Inches of Heaven music video.

I don't really like the alternate ending. In fact, I prefer the one shown on TV. I get what they were trying to do with the new ending. It is to show that Zhang Xiao/Ruoxi and Fourth prince are fated in the modern lifetime as well. It also explains why Ruoxi's soul "leap out" when she was almost hit by Fourth's horse and didn't when hit by Thirteenth prince's. But I like the openness of the old ending, where the viewers can make their own decisions. Also, from the old ending, Fourth prince's question, "Do I know you?" seems more to come from some embedded memories or feelings from their last life (because normal people don't just go up to crying strangers and ask that) rather from the fact that he might remembered her face from the time of the accident. As for the new MV, it's basically the full song accompanied by different scenes from the drama, nothing new or innovative.

Quick Announcement on Swordsman

So good news. I will be joining forces with the guys and girls over at Jianghu to continuing subbing Swordsman. I will post the new episodes here when they come out, as well as upload them on my Youtube. Jianghu will be starting back from the beginning, but I'm going forward from the episodes which I already subbed. Jianghu is, as many of you probably already know, a wonderful and quality fansubbing team and I'm happy to be working with them. This also decrease a lot of the burden on me, so I'll be able to continue subbing without having it affect my other projects (Hua Xu Yin translation and Bu Bu Jing Xin fanfiction). Anyway, watch for a new update soon.

From the latest episodes, Swordsman no longer makes sense to me plotwise, but it is still very addicting. I'm watching it with two of my friends, one who is in love with the original novel and one who hasn't read it before, so I'm getting commentary from both sides. The only thing that annoys me is the characterization of Linghu Chong, who is supposed to be carefree and unbiased. Not really seeing that here. That is probably due to Yu Zheng's script rather than Wallace Huo's portrayal. At this point, I'm not even sure why I am watching since nothing about it appeals to me, not the story, the characters, the romance, or the fighting. Maybe it has to something to do with the reason below...

Hua Xu Yin Part I Chapter 1 (II)

The latter part of this chapter definitely differs in tone from its earlier part. Ye Zhen's decision at the end here is controversial, to say the least, and many are unable to understand the logic it. I find that we can't look at the situation with our modern philosophy. You really have to put yourself in her mindset and all that she had been taught since she was young. Even though I didn't agree with Ye Zhen's choice, I understood it. This was her pride, her duty. And through this choice, a chain of events will take place.

The drama version of the novel is turning out to be a bigger mess than I anticipated. Whoever is the stylist for that drama needs to be fired. Kevin Cheng looks like an old transvestite (with blue highlights) and Jiang Xin looks like something kind of lumpy Greek warrior. Yuan Hong is luckier than the other two, mainly because it is just impossible for that boy to look bad. The press conference took place today, with the mentioned three in attendance. There was plenty of bromance between our Bu Bu Jing Xin's princes, and Jiang Xin is basically family since she is dating Ye Zu Xin (10th prince) in real life. What I don't understand is why Lin Yuan, who is supposed to play Ye Zhen, was not there. She is the main character, even more so than Mu Yan. Just imagine the BBJX's press conference without Liu Shi Shi. I don't know what is going on with that, but hopefully we get to see our leading lady soon. I was disappointed before when I realized the drama is merely a loose adaption of the novel, but now I am glad. This way, I can just use the drama casts in my imagination.

I stated in the introduction post that Zhao Li Ying was my ideal Ye Zhen, but after seeing a picture of Ivy Chen in ancient clothing, I changed my mind. Ivy fits almost perfectly to the image of Ye Zhen in my mind. I edited the post with a picture of her so you can go see if you agree with me. Anyway, I'm excited to be finished with this chapter, because now we can start to move to the meat of the story. 

Part 1: The Confines of a Floating Life

Chapter 1 (II)

[Fanfic] Bu Bu Jing Xin II Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Through Black and Gold

It was him. It was Fourteenth prince.

He stared at me, frowning, “Who are you?”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

“Are you a nurse?” he asked

I shook my head, trying to regain my composure. Why did his presence affect me so much, even more than the other princes? It wasn’t as if I hadn’t thought of the possibility of seeing him again. Except, in my imagination, he would be like the others: happy, carefree. I glanced at him again. In reality, he looked the same, exactly the same, as when I last saw him, with his eyes still filled with bitterness.

“Who are you?” he repeated, sounding annoyed now

I couldn’t stand it any longer. I picked up my medicine, muttered a quick apology, then turned around and ran away. Reaching the end of the corridor, I stopped and leaned against the wall, emotions flooding inside me. I squeezed my eyes shut. No, this was neither the time nor place for me to break down. Ge’ge was waiting for me. I couldn’t let him see me like this. I took several deep breaths. Later, later I would allow for my emotions to let loose.

When I deemed myself calm enough, I made my way back to my brother’s office. Ge’ge was already there when I walked in.

[English Subbed] Swordsman Episode 3

This might be the last episode I subbed, just because it's really not what I want to be focusing my time and energy on right now. I don't mind subbing; it's a relatively easy task, not to mention, it helps me brush up on my Chinese. But it is really tedious. If I'm able to find another subber to help out, then I might continue. Like always, you'll know when I post it here. As for the other fan group that is subbing the series, I'm not sure of their name, but you can find them on spcnet. In other 'blog' news, the next chapter to my Bu Bu Jing Xin fanfic will be out by this weekend and the rest of Hua Xu Yin Chapter 1 will soon follow. Be sure to check out Huier's blog for cute, upcoming scenes, as well as translated parts from other novels.

Right now, I'm just watching Swordsman with a sort of detached amusement. I treat it as a fanfic to the original novel, a light, fluffy fun. Not to mention, it is great to read the debates between the Dongfang Bubai camp and Ren Ying Ying camp, since I don't care either way. I might have a post on that later, after the series end, just to see what's the popular opinion is. Nothing much happens in this episode. Linghu Chong sneaks out with his Little Junior and, like the boy he is, ditches her. Dongfang Bubai pretends to be a prostitute, because that's just how she rolls. Little Junior pretends to be Dongfang Bubai, because that's just how she rolls. Pissy people get pissed. Not so apologetic people go apologize. Cranes can now carry people. Bad CGI are seen. Evil plans are made. And, the most important thing to take away from this whole episode, Wallace Huo is pretty.

Video is behind the cut