[Fanfic] Bu Bu Jing Xin II Chapter 9

Chapter 9: A Soundless Throbbing

I was at the hospital again for the third time this week. The second time I visited was no better than the first. Li Chen either answered my questions with sarcastic comments, or just ignored me completely, before asking me to leave. I wasn’t discouraged, however. Death-defying Thirteenth Sister doesn’t give up so easily.

“You’re here again?” Li Chen asked when I walked in

 “I brought you something,” I said cheerfully, holding up a bag, “It’s ox bone soup. I heard it’s supposed to be really good for muscle injuries.”

“Don’t you have a job? Or a life?”

I chose to ignore that and pulled the container out. After pouring the soup into a bowl, I handed to him. He stared at me warily.

“Do you need me to drink to check for poison?” I asked, only half teasing

He scoffed and took the bowl from me. I watched as he took a tentative sip.

“It’s not half bad,” he said, surprise coloring his tone

I grinned triumphantly.

“Though my taste bud may have been compromised after two months of eating the garbage they served here,” he continued, finishing off the soup

I struggled to keep the smile on my face, “So, how’s your physical therapy going?”

He glanced at me, “Just because I drank your soup doesn’t mean that you get to ask questions.”

The struggle became harder, “Are you feeling better?”

“Is this soup it?” he asked, looking around, “Because that’s kind of cheap of you. I can’t live on soup alone. Make some other dishes next time. Preferably with lots of meat.”

I took a deep breath, “OK.”

“Take notes. These are some of my favorite food. Stir fried beef with-”

“If,” I interrupted forcefully, “you tell me about your physical therapy.”

He frowned, “What?”

“If you want me to make you food,” I stated, “then you’ll have to let me ask questions about your physical therapy and answer them honestly.”

“You’re my fan,” he pointed out, still frowning, “Shouldn’t you do these things for me unconditionally?”

“You’re an athlete,” I retorted, “Shouldn’t you try your best to get better?”

 “That’s none of your business,” he snapped

“I’m your fan. I just want you to get back to badminton again.”

He glared at me, “Why? Just because you want to brag to your friends about how you helped me?”

I shook my head, “No. Just because you seemed happiest when you’re on the field.”

He sneered, “Don’t act you know me.”

“Am I wrong?”

He looked away, “I don’t have to answer to you. You might be my fan, but that doesn’t mean I have any obligations to you.”

“You don’t have obligations to anyone but yourself,” I said quietly, “So just make sure to do right by you.”

He didn’t answer. After a few minutes of silent, I went over to put the soup container away.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I said

“Don’t bother,” he replied, still not looking at me, “I’m not going to answer any of your stupid questions.”

I paused, “I’ll be back anyway.”

Stepping out onto the hallway, I let out a big breath. This was harder than I expected. Though… I took a glance back at his closed door; it was going to be worth it. When he could smile again, happily, sincerely, it was going to be worth it.

“Xiao Xiao!”

I turned around. Ge’ge was walking towards me, looking confused.

“What are you doing here?” he asked

“I…had some time after work so I thought I’ll come and visit,” I answered, conveniently leaving out who I was visiting

“I wish you called first,” he said, “I’m really busy today. In fact, I’m supposed to be on rounds right now.”

“That’s alright,” I said quickly, “I just remembered that I have to send a file to my client, so I’m just about to go.”

“Well, call me first next time, and I’ll make sure to make some time, OK?”

I nodded, “OK. I’ll go first then.”

“Wait,” Ge’ge called

I looked at him, expectant.

“Are you really going to that professor guy’s lecture tonight?” he asked

 “Dad told you?”

 “Don’t worry,” Ge’ge said, “He didn’t tell Mom.”

Well, that was something at least.

“So,” Ge’ge continued, “Is it true?”

“Don’t you have to go on rounds?” I asked

“Answering a question with a question is not answering,” Ge’ge stated

I sighed exasperatedly, “Yes, I’m going to his lecture.”

“Why?”

“Because,” I said, “we’re friends and that’s what friends do.”

Ge’ge shook his head, “Xiao Xiao, you can’t be so naïve as to think that men and women can merely be friends, can you?”

“Qiu Ran Ke and Hong Fu Nu were,” I pointed out

“And as great an example they are,” Ge’ge said slowly, “it’s not the same here. Qiu Ran Ke never had a crush on Hong Fu Nu.”

“I already told him that I’m not looking for a relationship. He’s very clear on how I feel.”

“But that doesn’t mean that it will changed how he feels. The only reason why he would want to be friends is so he can bid his time before making a move.”

It was my turn to shake my head. Ge’ge had to be wrong here. What Kai Ming felt for me was just an initial attraction due to our common interest. It wasn’t any deep. Besides, Tenth prince and I had managed to be friends despite his feelings for me, hadn’t we? These things were even more common now, in modern days. People fall in and out of love left and right here. It was no big deal… right?

Seeing that I was still unconvinced, Ge’ge sighed, “Do what makes you happy, Xiao Xiao. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

I smiled briefly. Only my brother would worried about me getting hurt when it wasn’t even my heart on the line. Then again, with these princes, my heart was always on the line, wasn’t it?

___________

Despite my reasoning, that conversation with my brother still left me in doubts. I considered not going to the lecture, but, in the end, decided to go anyway. I had already broken too many promises in my last lifetime to continue to do so in this one.

I arrived at the University early, but waited until it was time for the lecture to start before making my way in. As was last time, I sat in back row. Kai Ming had already started on his presentation. Watching him speak, I realized that the same charisma which gain Eight prince so many followers was present still. The audience listened to him in rapture and I could see a few female students with hearts in their eyes.  I wondered if Eight prince had been born into a normal family, would this be how he turned out? But Kai Ming wasn’t exactly born into a normal family, was he? And yet, he still managed to find happiness in his life, when he had more than enough reasons to be bitter. I supposed the greatest different between Eight prince and Kai Ming was that the latter knew how to let go. I could learn a lot from him.

___________

The lecture lasted for an hour and ended in a shattering standing ovation. Though I probably had no right to, I couldn’t help but feel proud of him. Just as I was deliberating whether or not to leave first, I saw Kai Ming scanned the crowd, his face brightening when he caught my eye. I smiled back and walked down to him.

“You came,” he said

“I promised I would,” I replied, “I’m glad I did. That was a great lecture.”

His smile widened, “Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without your help, though.”

I shook my head, but didn’t get a chance to reply before a female student interrupted us.

“Professor Li?” she said, slightly blushing, “I just wanted to say that I really like your lecture.”

Kai Ming smiled politely, “Thank you.”

“I do have some questions I want to ask you about it,” she continued, “Do you have time now?”

I recognized the hopeful note in her voice and hid a smile. I looked at Kai Ming,

“I’ll go first then.”

“Wait,” Kai Ming said, grabbing my arm to stop me. He glanced back at the female student, “I’m sorry. I already have an appointment. If you have any questions, feel free to stop by my office another day.”

I watched as the student’s face fell in disappointment, but she merely nodded before walking away. Kai Ming turned to me.

“Have you eaten?” he asked, “Should we grab some dinner together?”

I shook my head, “I have to get going. I have to work early tomorrow.”

“I’ll drive you home then.”

He turned around to gather his stuff and, without looking at me, said, “You know you’re not going to dissuade me, so you might as well not try.”

I closed my mouth.  I was getting too predictable.

As we began walking, I thought back to that female student. It sure wasn’t an easy thing, having a crush on your professor.

“What are you thinking about?” Kai Ming asked

“That female student,” I answered, smiling

I glanced at him, “You were too cruel,” I teased, “You just crushed that poor girl’s heart.”

“Like how you crushed mine?”

My smile immediately faded and I stopped walking. Kai Ming went a few steps further before he realized I wasn’t following. He turned around. Upon seeing the serious look on my face, he quickly backtracked,

“I was only kidding. Don’t think too much.”

“Kai Ming,” I started

“Don’t,” he interrupted, “Look, Zhang Xiao. You told me how you feel and I accepted it. We’re just friends now. I know that.”

I nodded. Maybe I was being silly.

He smiled, “Just do tell me when you are looking for a relationship, OK?”

And just like that, my trepidation was back.

“Kai Ming,” I said carefully, “I need you to know that friendship is all I’m ever looking for. Nothing is going to change that. If you want something more, then perhaps we shouldn’t even be friends.”

He frowned, “Am I that bad?”

No. I was. But how was I supposed to let him know that?

“Forget it,” Kai Ming said before I could answer, “I was only joking.”

I stared at him doubtfully, “Maybe we-”

“Zhang Xiao,” Kai Ming said, taking a step towards me, “Besides my sister, the people I valued the most are my friends. So believe me when I say that I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship.”

Seeing the somber look in his eyes, I could only nod, “OK.”

___________

Unlike what I feared, the ride home was not that awkward. Kai Ming filled the silence with talks of his next lecture and I responded in kind. When we reached my apartment, Kai Ming turned to me,

“I forgot to tell you. The University is holding a special event on the Qing Dynasty this Saturday. Do you want to come and see?”

“This Saturday? I can’t,” I said regretfully, “I already have plans.”

He peered at me, “You’re not just saying that to avoid going with me, are you?”

I let out an uneasy laugh, “Of course not. My friend is having an exhibit on Saturday. I already promised him I’ll go.”

“An exhibit?” Kai Ming asked, “Is your friend an artist?”

“A photographer,” I replied

“Really? Have I heard of him?”

“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly, “I think he’s really talented though. His name is Yang Guang.”

“Yang Guang,” Kai Ming repeated, “I don’t think I know that name, but then again, I’m not exactly an expert in that field.”

 “I’m sorry I can’t make it to the University event,” I said, “Maybe next time.”

Kai Ming nodded, and I gave him one last smile before letting myself out.

___________

The next day, I was back at the hospital again. Thanks to some snooping around, I had found out my brother’s rounds schedule. It would be impossible to explain to him why I wanted to help Li Chen, so the only way was for me to come when he was on the other side of the building. That way, he wouldn’t have to know.

“You really have no life, do you?” Li Chen asked as I walked in

As usual, I ignored him.

“I brought more food this time,” I said, laying it out

He glanced at it, “I told you I’m not answering any of your questions.”

“You don’t have to,” I replied, “Just eat.”

He stared at me suspiciously.

I sighed, “Do you need me to eat it first?”

“Yes,” he answered bluntly

I glared at him, but picked up the chopsticks. He watched carefully as I tasted each dish.

“Satisfied?” I asked

He didn’t answer, but seemed more rest assured and began to eat.

“You know,” I said after a few minutes, “I was re-watching some of your matches, and you’re really talented.”

He ignored me and continued eating.

I tried again, “Especially in that match against Liu Da Ming. That was a resounding victory. Though luck certainly had a part in it.”

Li Chen paused and looked at me, “Luck?” he repeated, “Luck has nothing to do with any of my victories.”

“Oh, c’mon,” I said, “You left your right side unguarded the entire first half. You were lucky he didn’t go for it.”

“That was not luck. That was strategy.”

“You knew he wouldn’t hit over there?”

“In order to beat your opponent, you not only need to know his playing techniques, but also his personality. Li Da Ming has always been overly cautious. In my previous matches, I purposely left open spots as traps for my opponents. Li Da Ming knew this. He sees me leaving such an obvious opening; of course he would think it was another trap and not hit over. By the time he realized the truth, it was too late. The match was mine.”

I smiled, “You would’ve been a great military commander.”

 He scoffed and went back to his food.

“What about your match against Tong Shaotian?” I asked, “You didn’t leave any traps there.”

“That’s because Tong Shaotian relies on traps himself. He would’ve recognized any tricks I tried from miles away. The best way was to play directly, as to throw him off his game.”

Like that, I continued asking questions about his matches and he continued with his explanations. From them, I knew that he was still passionately in love with badminton.  It was the most I had ever heard him talk. It might not be much, but it was definitely an improvement. There was light at the end of the tunnel after all.

___________

Though I knew my brother’s schedule, avoiding him at the hospital turned out to be harder than I thought. Most of the staff there knew him, and in turn, knew me. It took a lot of careful navigation, as well as time hiding out in the women’s restroom, in order not to be seen. Because of that, I usually got home late. It wasn’t much of a problem until Saturday, when I had to go to Yang Guang’s exhibit. I rushed home to change, not having time to even eat.  Luckily the traffic wasn’t too bad, and I arrived just in time.

The gallery was bigger and filled with more people than I expected. As I handed over my invitation, I couldn’t help but noticed how richly dressed these people were. For a moment, I wondered if I came to the right place. This event doesn’t seem like something Yang Guang would host. When I walked in and saw the photographs on displayed, however, all doubts vanished. Though I had only seen one of his works before, I could tell that these were taken by him. There was a sense of forlornness in the captured beauty that was his signature.  

I looked around but didn’t see either Yang Guang or Zhenqing. Figuring that they were probably busy entertaining guests, I went back to admiring the photographs. Yang Guang had indeed traveled a lot. There were photographs from Africa to Europe, all of beautiful sceneries.

“He really is talented.”

I whirled around. Kai Ming was standing there, smiling at me.

“Kai Ming? What are you doing here?” I blurted out

He shrugged, “You told me how talented your friend was, so I wanted to see his works for myself. Besides, I’ll be getting a new office soon. It’ll be good to have a nice photograph to hang in there.”

“What about the University event?” I asked

“I’m not the expert in that field,” Kai Ming answered, “I would have just been lost without you.”

I frowned, “Just so you know, this feels slightly stalkerish.”

“You were the one who told me about the exhibit yourself,” he pointed out, grinning, “It’s not as if I followed you here, or looked up your whereabouts on the internet.”

No, that was the job of my other friend.

“Zhang Xiao!”

I turned around. Speak of the devil. Yang Guang was striding towards us.

“If you got here, then you should have come say hi,” he chastised

“I couldn’t find you,” I replied

He glanced at Kai Ming standing next to me. I quickly made introductions.

“Yang Guang, this is my friend, Kai Ming. Kai Ming, this is Yang Guang, the photographer whose works are displayed here.”

They shook hands.

“Your photographs are beautiful,” Kai Ming said, “You definitely gained a new fan.”

Yang Guang smiled, “Thank you. You wouldn’t mind if I steal Zhang Xiao away for a minute, would you?”

He didn’t wait for an answer before leading me away.

“That was kind of rude,” I said as we were walking

“No,” Yang Guang replied, “What is rude is you bring a date to my exhibit.”

 “He’s not my date,” I said, “and I didn’t bring him here.”

Yang Guang glanced at me, “Really? That’s a relief then.”

I was about to ask him what he meant when he suddenly stopped walking. The expression on his face was similar to one of a child getting caught doing something bad. I followed his gaze. A tall woman dressed in a crisp dress suit was walking towards us. My breath hitched when I saw her face.

Lu Wu.

“Where are you going?” she asked, her eyes flashing to me before going back to Yang Guang

“I don’t have to tell you everything I do,” Yang Guang mumbled, his tone petulant

She glared at him, “May I remind you that this is your exhibit? How would it look if the host suddenly disappears?”

“I’ve just talking a break,” Yang Guang countered, “I’ve been talking nonsense with these people all night now.”

“It has only been half an hour.”

“And now I’m taking a half an hour break,” Yang Guang retorted, “So if you excuse me,”

Once again, he led me away without waiting for an answer.

“I expect you back here in exactly 30 minutes,” the lady called after us, “Or I’ll come find you myself.”

Yang Guang muttered something under his breath.

“Who was that?” I asked, my mind still reeling from the encounter

“My manager, Hai Ling,” Yang Guang replied, “As you can see, she’s also my slave driver.”

She was also the reason he kept coming back. I smiled, my eyes misting. Perhaps Heaven wasn’t so cruel after all.

Yang Guang led me into a small, but lavishly decorated room. A long sofa lined the wall, and there was a wine bottle on the table, ready with two glasses.

“I really need a drink,” he said, grabbing the bottle

“You like her,” I stated

Yang Guang paused, “What?” he asked, looking at me incredulously

I smiled, “Hai Ling. You liked her.”

He scoffed and turned back to pouring the wine, “Didn’t you hear me? She’s my slave driver. How could I like someone who bossed me around like that?”

I sat down, still grinning, “With your personality, how could you allow for anyone to boss you around? Unless, of course, that person is special to you.”

Yang Guang glared at me, “I really don’t like you anymore,” he handed me a wine glass, “I know it’s not a 15 years old Earl Haakon, but this wine is not bad. Why don’t you try it?”

“You’re changing the subject,” I said, taking a sip

 “No, I’m getting back to the subject I want to talk about.”

I shook my head but let it go, “Where is your cousin?” I asked

Yang Guang grinned at me, “Missed him already don't you?”

I looked at him exasperatedly.

“He’s out there entertaining,” Yang Guang answered, sitting down next to me, “Most of the people out there are his clients.”

I twirled around the wine in my glass. There was a question I’ve wanted to ask him since that day we met, but never got the opportunity to. Now that there was a chance, however, I was hesitant to ask.

“Since when did we become such strangers,” Yang Guang said, “that you can’t speak your mind in front of me?”

I smiled. 300 years had passed, but the person who knew me best was still him.

“That day we met,” I started, “you acted as though you heard of me before. What exactly did you hear?”

I had thought that it was because Zhenqing told him about our meeting in the museum. But seeing his reaction later that night, that didn’t seemed to be true.

Yang Guang was silent for a while before replying, “Ge didn’t tell me about you himself. I only heard from others.”

I frowned. Others?

“Did you know that Ge was asked to be a witness in that trial against Thomas Lee?” Yang Guang asked, looking at me

I shook my head.

“My uncle and Thomas Lee’s father are friends,” Yang Guang said, “Which was why Ge went with his accounting firm in the first place. When Ge was called to testify, my uncle asked him not to, in consideration of that friendship. Truthfully, Ge’s testimony wouldn’t affect the trial either way. He was just one of many who were asked. Also, Ge didn’t want to put his father in a tight spot, so he already decided to decline. A few days later, however, he changed his mind.”

Yang Guang took another drink, “My cousin’s personality is very resolute. Whenever he makes a decision, he almost never changes it. Also, since young, the times he went against my uncle’s wishes could be count on one hand. I was perplexed, therefore, of what could have happened. Then I heard from Yu Long about their meeting with the new accounting firm. It seemed that your “Royalty should be punished even more severely than commoners” speech really made a resounding impact on my cousin.”

I stared ahead, not seeing anything. If it was Fourth prince, he would have never let the situation go, no matter who asked. That year, he even argued with Kangxi because he felt the latter was too lenient on corrupt officials. Fourth prince would never consider familial relations and friendships. He would be merciless in his punishment, cruel even.  Zhenqing wasn’t like that. He knew how to let go, knew how to think of others’ feelings. But I, I changed his mind? Was I right before? Was the key to history repeating itself me? Was I destined to bring out the worse in these men?

“Zhang Xiao? Zhang Xiao?” Yang Guang’s worried face entered my line of vision, “Are you alright?”

Alright? How could I ever be alright? I had to remember everything, every excruciating memory. Now, now Fate wanted me to experience it all over again? No. I rather died than to let that happen.

I stood up, the sudden movement making my head swam.

“Zhang Xiao?” Yang Guang repeated, standing up with me

“I have to go,” I said, not looking at him

I didn’t let him have a chance to respond before walking out the door. I had to leave, I had to get out of here, before…

“Zhang Xiao?”

I looked up. Zhenqing was standing right in front of me, blocking my path.

“Are you alright?” he asked, taking a step closer

 “Zhang Xiao!” I heard Yang Guang called from behind as he caught up to me

Zhenqing’s gaze flickered to him, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I answered before Yang Guang could say anything, “I just realized I have to go right now.”

“I’ll take you then,” Zhenqing said, looking at me worriedly

I shook my head, “No. It’s your cousin’s exhibit. You should stay.”

Yang Guang scoffed, “Even I don’t want to stay. Go with her, Ge.”

“No,” I repeated more forcefully

I tried to think of another reason, but my head refused to cooperate. I began to feel dizzy, wishing now that I had eaten something before.

Seeing me swaying on my feet, Zhenqing reached out to steady me. I jerked back instinctively. His hand froze in the air for a moment, before he slowly lowered it.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly

I shook my head. Why were they always apologizing, when the person who done wrong was me? It was always me.

 “What’s going on?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing this wasn’t happening. But when I opened them, Kai Ming was still there, walking towards us.

He looked from Zhenqing to Yang Guang, then back to me.

“You look really pale, Zhang Xiao. Are you alright?” he asked

I almost wanted to laugh. It was this question again.

“I’m fine,” I repeated, “I just need to go home now.”

“I’ll take you,” Kai Ming offered

“There’s no need,” Yang Guang interjected before I could refuse, “My cousin is going to take her. You just got here. You should stay and enjoy the exhibit some more.”

Kai Ming smiled, “I’m afraid I’m just going to have to wait until next time. Besides,” he looked at Zhenqing, “I wouldn’t want to bother you.”

“It’s no bother,” Yang Guang replied, “He wanted to leave anyway, and Zhang Xiao’s house in on his way.”

Zhenqing didn’t say anything, only continued to look at me for my reaction.

I wanted to tell them that I was capable of going by myself, that I didn’t need either of them to take me. But all my energy seemed to have left me, as the pounding in my head got louder. My vision blurred in and out of focus until, finally, everything went black.

___________

A/N: I don’t know why, but it took me forever to write out this chapter, despite already knowing what I want to occur in it. Maybe I’m in an angst mode, but I actually skip several chapters to write out a scene that will probably make a lot of you hate me. But that isn’t until way, way later.  Anyway, Bu Bu Jing Qing has already started filming and, despite my not loving the storyline, I’m really excited. Truthfully, I just want to see Liu Shi Shi and Nicky Wu onscreen together again. Kevin Cheng and Yuan Hong probably won’t be able to join them, but I’ll settle for a cameo. Hopefully, I will be able to finish this fanfic before the drama airs.